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 poker tournament strategy videos Listen now to a short message from Marty Smith >>  
I am quitting online poker and becoming a salesperson in an upscale womens shoe store. PDF Print E-mail

After a month of relentless, horrendous, and simply preposterous beats in online poker tournaments at Full Tilt, I have decided to take up a new career.

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I am going to work in a high-end women's shoe store. All I will be doing all day is slipping on and off sexy shoes like these, onto the pedicured feet of gorgeous women with lots of money. Hey they need professionals in that field too. I think women will also appreciate my constant ogling and open-mouth gasps at their creamy skin, toes, ankles, and anything else they care to show me. What a relief it is just to think about it. Oh yeah, baby.

Am I leaving online poker then?

Right now, I don't care. Full Tilt Poker can kiss my ass goodbye, and all my $5+.50 entry fees too! They will miss me and they deserve it. Runner, runner bullshit, serving up coolers to the fucking morons who actually wake up with a hand when I think I finally got him, and then sending me into card-dead dry spells that seem to last longer than George Bush's presidency.

What's $5+.50 to Full Tilt Poker?

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Ok sure, maybe my 5 bucks isn't a hill of beans to Full Tilt Poker, but what if 20 or 30 other players quit Full Tilt too? That Fucking Howard Lederer and Phil Gordon are going to be losing some sleep, let me tell you.

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Like how fucking long is this going to go on? I am on Super-Fucking-Tilt -here, playing the same Goddam way I have always played.

Carmen Electra

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OMG if fucking Carmen Electra comes in to buy high heels, I know I made the right career change.

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Like this dumb-ass doofus who spikes a jack on the river to cripple me in this sit and go. Full Tilt insisted on breathing life into that fucker.

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And this brain dead orangutang insta calls my QQ with nowhere near the required odds.

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and yeah, you guessed, hits a draw and then his ace... horrible fucking player. horrible fucking Full Tilt nonsense.

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Here I am poised to take down an MTT and make a fkn great call with my A4 and 2:1 pot odds.

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Of course shithead hits runner runner

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3 hands later, I get it all in best against the other fucker

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and he fucking rips the remaining life out of me, and i finish 3rd to 2 fucking lucky dumb fuckers

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This dude is having no friggin stress at all, and gets to play with women's feet all day.

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Finally got this this dude all in, and of course Full Tilt sets me up really nice with set over set. I am going to bed.

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Whatever. I guess I will see you in the Midnight Madness later.